In Canada

When I am asked how the trip went my answer is –good, tough but good. I do not know if I can come up with a different answer. Let me say, I love Nicaragua. It is a beautiful country. A place I call home. There are beautiful and handsome people in it. Many amazing local people working to make a difference in their lives and the lives of others.

There are places in this trip that were incredibly hard. Places in which I never thought would happen. I knew to expect the poverty. I knew to expect to see men, women and children hungry (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) and having practically nothing. Yes, of course my heart broke for those things. But it was the other things that have broken me even more. However, they are things that out of respect for the people involved; I cannot speak of or write about. All I can say is please pray for the things that have broken my heart. My heart yearns for justice and chains to be broken.

Transitioning to life in Canada has been a bit of a whirlwind. I returned to Canada and within 12 hours I was heading on another trip for a friend’s wedding. I am very grateful to have gone and the weather was much nicer than where I am from which helped some. I was still cold though (and still am)! The wedding was beautiful and I am very blessed to see a great friend be married to a great guy.

In Nicaragua, sometimes it was hard to remember about your personal needs but within hours of returning to Canada, my heart sank as I realized how I had quickly adjusted to what I needed. Even in Nicaragua I know there were places where I could have been more selfless in my actions. Actually many times, I am embarrassed of my actions.

Yesterday, August 14^th, was a difficult day. I am a pretty happy person with a smile that most people enjoy seeing. However, it was not always like that. I may have had a smile on my face but my thoughts were all negative and beating the crap out of myself and everything I did or did not do. Jesus has done a lot of work in my life and one place was with my thoughts. However, there are times in which my thoughts turn negative.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I questioned whether being in Nicaragua was really worth it. Did I actually make a difference? Did the harmful actions that I had at times just make things worse? The main thought was that this trip was horrible because of the things that broke my heart – the actions of those who were harmful, the injustice that was done as well as the actions that I had that were not pleasing to God.

In the middle of the day, I had to almost slap myself, realizing how I was taking myself down a destructive path. A path in which the devil wanted me to walk down but our cross barring Jesus was not. The amazing thing about our God, so great, is that He covers a multitude of sins. The mistakes I made, the mistakes others made are covered by His grace. As I repented for my destructive thoughts, the thoughts of the things I saw that did make a difference in the lives of others returned.

Yes, not everything was beautiful and amazing but there were some pretty amazing things that happened. Things that I desire to share on my blog over the next little while, though most start with a sad story. Just like a rainbow - you must have the rain (not so good) and the sun (the good).

Where I was living did not have internet for over a month... though we thought it would only be 10 days, it was not. I am sorry for not being able to share while I was there. I hope sharing now will be able to show what your donations and prayers were able to achieve in the last month I was there.

On a personal note, here is an updated photo of me!

Photo taken by the lovely Lorna Rande in Penticton BC (Note - it was about 31 degree Celsius and I was in pants, shoes, tank top, a t-shirt and never left the hotel without a sweater! The lack of humidity in this country is killing me!)